Friday, 2 June 2017

My Holiday Journal 2 - aliah 😋


2 June 2017

My friendship

As always, Mr Lim always asks us to reflect on our actions which lead to a certain result obtained. So today I reflected on why Isaac Lim said that my life was so sad. I have always told myself that certainly, my life was enjoyable indeed! Nothing was in my way, I was not overdoing myself, and I was having fun studying. But when the class brought up the topic, " Why doesn't Aliah wants to go to the class party, let's persuade her." Isaac Lim will be fuming mad at me. I don't get the big deal having a party at the end of the year when we can see each another next year? And if I don't want to go, the class can just go with 24 instead, it doesn't make a difference, like who can possibly remember me when I am not present? Remembering when I was lost where to go after my morning duty, no one called me to confirm where I was supposed to go. I had no wifi then because I just can't use it. And a group of s1-04 people was lost too, but they gladly excepted me to follow them. But I know the class is one for all and all for one, and I can't just fault Isaac. Although he is a good friend to everyone, I would still rather study for the next year instead. But as per usual, Isaac will scream and the top of his lungs at the table with Jing Hui, Rou Fu and Glenda,
"Aliah, for the last time, just go to the party!" 
But I always tell him, "If one-day money falls from the sky!"
Then he will always reply the same way, "Doesn't your parents give you money! They should know, you are just a student and you haven't started working!"

I gave up on him. But he continued with his speech, "Aliah your life is so sad, you know!"
That really triggered me, but he continued," You wake up, do your stuff, go to school, come home, and study, and finally sleep. And imagine if you repeat the same thing every day, especially when you like studying, your life is basically very boring."
So I tried to change the topic and I found out that I will get into more trouble, "I don't trust the class."
"So are you trying to say that you don't trust Jing Hui, Rou Fu and Glenda! Ha, now I can see you have no friends!"
Rou Fu was shocked, " You don't trust us, that hurts!"
I was about to fight back, but when I scroll back the scene, I realised that what Isaac said was true I don't trust anybody and interrelated, I might have no friends. Could this mean that I lose my friends? I just got a group of company friends, although they are not my type, I would just squeeze in and try to fit in. Although they weren't like my primary school mates, opening arms and always care for a listening ear when I needed one, they were fine as long they don't do things like bullying. 

Now I am really not sure, I am just sitting on the fence, letting my butt hurt more than ever. Do I have true friends? Should I have friends? Or just leave without it? My life is miserable after thinking about it. I got bullied twice physically, got abandoned twice by my best friend, got used as a dumb puppet hung on a string and a male teacher nearly did wrong things towards me and it all happened during my primary school days. But I never once told anyone about it, because I simply don't trust anyone. And now in SST, in class during group works, I will be rejected by all the pro-people,  and end up with people I really want to be torn apart from, and I really want a taste of collaborative people how does their work. And I can't believe people are complaining once they got such people. Only some are in my shoes, about being abandoned and irritating.  But you see my life today is still fine without a true friend, I am doing well and okay, I am still living anyways.

" Life is like a dish. Without garnishes, your food will not be delicious and will be discarded away. Likewise, your friend is the true "garnishes" of life, which leads you to a "delicious" future ahead..." - aliah



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